Omarosa Gets Even More Surreal

VH1's The Surreal Life will feature The Apprentice 2's Omarosa next season.

Omarosa will be inflicting her special brand of pain on roomies Jose Canseco (baseball player/steroid user/tattletale), Janice Dickinson (America's Next Top Model judge), Sandi Denton (Pepa of Salt-n-Pepa), Bronson Pinchot (Balki from Perfect Strangers), Caprice (model), and Cory Hart (sadly, a "motorcross champ" and not a sunglasses-at-night-wearing singer, although he likely hears that reference on a near-daily basis).

Word from the set is that after just a day of filming, Omarosa and Dickinson are already at each other's throats.

This is the fifth season of The Surreal Life, in which mostly C-list celebrities live together and participate in assorted activities and challenges. It will also be the fifth season I haven't watched it.

Survivor: Palau Episode 5 Recap: Ulong Knot Necessarily Best Tribe Ever

The rapidly dwindling Ulong tribe returns to camp minus Angie. At the last tribal council, Koror gave Ibrehem immunity. Stephenie tells us he knows he would have been voted out. She says, "He knows he's going next 'cause I'm not changing my mind, so we'll see what happens." Yes, we'll see. Because that sure sounds like foreshadowing that you will change your mind. His tribemates berate Ibrehem for costing them the last challenge. Bobby Jon is annoyed that James can't get over missing out on the beef stew Koror won. Ibrehem finds solace in time alone praying.

At Koror, Ian declares it, "just another day in paradise." Everyone woke up feeling "charged up" and "refreshed" after their dinner and ready to work. Tom notes that work now can save them work later on. Meanwhile, Katie makes necklaces. Coby snarks, "Camp Koror had Craft Day. Well, just Katie. Everybody else was working." Amusingly, right after Coby gives us a confessional about how useless Katie was being, we get a Katie confessional, with her saying she "feels great" and thought it would be harder than this. She says it will be, but she's prepared and she thinks if you keep that state of mind, you can survive. Okay, so Katie is clueless. Caryn complains that Katie's role appears to be to entertain but she doesn't work very hard. So far Caryn has pretty much only liked Willard, who everyone thought was a lazy grump and even Caryn voted out. Treemail arrives, heralding the arrival of the next reward challenge ...

Reward Challenge: Shooting Gallery



Koror sees the new Ulong. Jeff tells them that Angie was voted out, and Coby shrugs. Jeff explains the reward challenge. There are sixteen tribe-coloured tiles, eight for each tribe. Using a replica of a 50-caliber small-class cannon, tribe members will attempt to shoot out their tribe's tiles. The first tribe to take out their eight tiles wins a day trip on a Japanese boat, where they will enjoy potato chips and mai-tais. The boat will take them to Jellyfish Lake where they can snorkel among millions of jellyfish who have lost the ability to sting because they haven't needed it.

Katie, Janu, Jenn, and Ian sit out for Koror. A game of rock, paper, scissor gives Ulong the right to go first, but Bobby Jon misses, as do the next few people. Tom makes the first shot for Koror, and Stephenie makes the first shot for Ulong. Bobby Jon, Ibrehem, Gregg, Caryn, and Coby make shots but the star of the reward challenge is Stephenie, who never misses. Caryn has the opportunity to force a tiebreaker, but she misses, and Ulong wins the reward.

On the boat to Jellyfish Lake, Bobby Jon makes a toast "to here on out." Stephenie adds, "We win!" James chimes in, "We're buddies!" Awww ...


Among the jellyfish

The buddies swim in a "crystal clear" lake among countless jellyfish. Bobby Jon describes it as giving him a "euphoric type of feeling" and says he tried to "cherish every second" because he knew he would never be there again. According to Stephenie, the win was a huge morale boost and made them "feel like a tribe again."

That night, at Koror, the tribe endures a particularly harsh storm. The next morning, Janu describes feeling "very alone and scared ... I ended up getting through the night ... but it kinda lingered on into the day." She lies in a hammock, teary-eyed, talking to Tom. He says he feels the same way, "so far away from my family today ... it's a bad place to be, but let today be a bad day." He continues, "You've already passed your worst fear of going home early. You're gonna make the merge, I think you're gonna make the jury, and if most of us aren't careful, we're gonna be the jury voting on you." Janu manages a weak smile but tells him she doesn't have the strength. He says she doesn't have it today, but she has it. Katie has less compassion than Tom. She tells us, "I thought I was a drama queen, but apparently not."

Immunity Challenge: Build It Up, Break It Down



Ulong receives treemail, along with a foot locker, the opposing tribe's flag, and rope. The treemail instructs them to secure the flag inside the foot locker and make it inpenetrable using the provided rope. They are to bring the foot locker to the challenge.

James claims he learned a knot in the Navy that they should use. When you pull it, it gets tighter. Isn't that every knot? The tribe uses James' knot.

At the immunity challenge, Jeff tells the tribes they have 20 minutes to swim out to retrieve three bundles of lumber and build a fortress around the foot locker to make it more difficult to get into. Then the tribes will switch sides and try to into the other tribe's foot locker, and get to their flag. The first tribe to get their flag, secure it to the flagpole, and raise it on the flagpole, wins immunity.

Caryn, James, Tom, and Gregg sit out the challenge for Koror. Katie and Janu stay behind and add more knots to the ropes on their foot locker, while Jenn and Ian swim out for the lumber. Ibrehem, Stephanie, and Bobby Jon swim out to fetch lumber, while James stays behind and adjusts his clothing. Coby whispers to Gregg, "Look at James tying his skirt instead of the knots." Ulong initially gains a lead but Koror quickly catch up and move ahead, because they don't lose immunity challenges. Plus, once they figured out James' amazing miracle knot, that was that. Jeff looks past Janu, who competed in the challenge, and hands the immunity idol to Caryn, who sat out the challenge. Weird.

Ibrehem plans to vote for James because he thinks he has performed the worst on all the immunity challenges. Stephenie tells James they should vote for "Ib," but she's concerned Bobby may vote for James. In confessional, James makes a charming remark: "Ibrehem's overstayed his welcome. He was meant to go last time, and by the grace of Allah he didn't go, well my God says he is today."

Bobby Jon notes that he initially got two votes at the last tribal council, and one was from Angie. He thought the other was from Stephenie but now he thinks it was from James; "it was male handwriting." You can't tell someone's gender from their handwriting though I can't find one of the more recent studies I had read about on this point. For what it's worth, a 1910 study concluded "that the sex signs of handwriting are of social rather than psychophysiological origin. They are largely determined by (1) the amount of writing done, (2) age and (3) professional requirements." Also, that was Stephanie's "male handwriting" on the vote for Bobby Jon. Stephanie tells us she doesn't like to lie, but "this was in the midst of we were deciding who we were going to vote tonight, so there was no way in hell I could have told him the truth, so I said, 'I swear to God it wasn't me.'" She tells us she feels really bad lying to him, but if she didn't, she would have been voted out.

Bobby Jon wants to vote for Ib, but to avoid a tie, he makes a deal with Stephanie: he will vote for James, and they will vote for Ib next. They will stick together "to the end." In confessional, Bobby Jon confirms his intentions to stay with Stephenie to the end. "If she's playing me, we'll find out," he tells us. "But I don't think she is."

In confessional Stephenie says she could stick with James and force a tie. She hasn't decided.

Tribal Council

Jeff asks James about that whole never-winning-an-immunity-challenge thing. James claims, "I think we subconsciously sabotage ourselves." You just never know who's a Dr. Phil fan. Can't stand the guy myself, but to each their own. Jeff offers James his take of what happened, "Steph and Bobby Jon swam out, Ibrehem took a leisurely stroll to the middle, doing what I'm still not sure, and you sat there and messed with your skirt for two, three, four minutes ... that's when you lost the challenge."

Jeff brings on the tough questions to those weak links, asking Ibrehem if he thinks he's cut out for this (he does). Jeff asks James if he thinks it's fair to base a vote on how he performs on a challenge, which is the same criteria James applied to Ibrehem last time. Surprise! Now James thinks other factors should be considered, like personality and personal feelings. Someone might be fond of a guy who didn't make one shot at the reward challenge and whose crappy knot and fixation on his skirt helped cost them the immunity challenge, 'tis true. Bobby Jon and Stephenie say they trust all their tribemates. Stephenie thinks it's not her time yet, she's worked her butt off. She does get paranoid that the others are all from Alabama, as Jeff points out. Ah, Alabama must be proud. Of Bobby Jon, anyway.

The votes are tied between Ibrehem and James. Only Stephanie and Bobby Jon vote in the tie-breaker. James is voted out. Stephenie whispers, "Sorry" to James.


Apparently it was James' time to go after all


Jeff tells the new Ulong trio that this is a first: a tribe of three. That's sort of cool, to be the first ones to achieve that ... okay, no, it really isn't cool at all. To quote Homer Simpson, "They're the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked." Hey, it's still an achievement of sorts.

On the next Survivor:

Tom thinks Jenn and Gregg's romance could be a monkey wrench that they don't see coming. Sounds painful. Duck! Bobby Jon catches a fish. Tom catches a shark. Vegetarian viewers cringe.

The Apprentice 3 Episode 9 Recap: Don't Box Craig In

Craig didn't have a box ... he probably does now


Erin, Erin, Erin. It's one thing to flirt with Trump, and sure, he may have liked to watch your golf stroke a little more than a potential boss should. But one must be a bit discreet about these things. Erin was too over the top, so she was fired. Potential future "flirting partners" take note, Trump does not like wiseguys and two winks in the boardroom may be at least one too many.

Lack of professionalism would have been a legitimate reason to fire Erin, but it seems like Trump was grasping for reasons to fire someone else. Chris has a personal habit he dislikes, Angie didn't pick Erin as a presenter ... The former is irrelevant, although it was relevant during the mini-golf task. The latter criticism is off-base. How could Erin have taught a clinic on how to put together the kitchen island? Depending on who you believe, she had either checked out of or just plain sucked at the 'tooltime' portion of the task. Home Depot is icky. Erin teaching people to do a hardware project would be like John teaching a seminar on preventing sexual harassment/hostile work environment.

Chris' anger problem is real, and certainly a reason not to hire him, but it has nothing to do with why Net Worth lost this task. Trump can fire Chris later. Not substantially participating in a task, and having a lousy attitude about it is reason enough to deserve to be fired. Erin was the right person to fire, even before her boardroom performance grew increasingly desperate and over-the-top. Angie argued that Erin's lack of participation in the task effectively put Net Worth yet another person behind Magna. It's a decent argument, but Net Worth likely would have lost even if Erin was a do-it-yourself maestro.

Knowing When to Ignore the Suggestion Box

The Box was a much better idea. An idea need not be fussy or complicated to be good; often the simplest ideas are better. With something like the Box, the simplicity of the basic configuration allows for a lot of variety and creativity in design elements. The chalkboard paint and child's handprints stand out as particularly clever and likely to appeal to a lot of kids, and parents.

Craig took a lot of heat for poor communication skills, but he deserves a lot of credit for coming up with a great idea, and not giving up on it under a lot of pressure. Someone else might have folded, and gone with a teammate's idea. He was also able to rally the troops when he needed to. Whether knowingly or not, he likely turned to his biggest doubters for help when he went to Alex and Bren. This was either lucky or smart. They might have felt important to be called upon like that. They also could have realized if team spirit didn't improve, they might be held partly responsible. Carolyn also felt Craig, along with Tana and Alex, was especially good during the do-it-yourself clinic. He still doesn't seem like Apprentice material, but since the fuse task he has finally started to be impressive.

Oddities and Observations

1. Why did Trump stand around chatting with the Home Depot executives and then ask their names in front of the candidates? Go ahead and learn their names beforehand; it will make you look better.

2. Trump announced the task in the penthouse of Trump Park Avenue, which was under construction. That area is so hazardous that the candidates had to don hardhats just before reaching the penthouse. However, it is not such a hazardous place that they had to wear the hardhats while ascending the stairs, nor is it so hazardous that Carolyn, George, Trump, or Home Depot execs Jose Lopez and Christine McVeigh had to wear hardhats. Are their heads extra-sturdy? Were they standing in a much safer area? If so, why couldn't everyone stand there? Or why wasn't the task be announced in a Home Depot store or office? It almost gave one the idea that the hardhats were just for show!

3. Trump's Business Lesson, "Sell Your Ideas," did not give away who won, or who would be fired. Craig was unable to sell his idea to his team, and overruled their objections to his idea. As a former beauty queen, Erin had no ideas.

4. After years of taking a figurative hammering, "the box" took a literal hammering. Bren noted that if they worked on the decorations on the outside, they're thinking outside the box. Would plainer boxes still have beaten the Net Worth mobile kitchen island? Did Magna actually think both inside and outside of the box? Is this the end of the box analogy or does it only make it stronger?

5. If you're keeping track at home, or perhaps making a chart, please note that Tana is great with children as well as musicians. She is not great with dogs.

6. Future applicants to The Apprentice might want to note how useful Alex's Spanish language skills proved during the Box clinic. Spanish: not just useful on The Amazing Race anymore.

7. Erin said every time she speaks in the boardroom it's "poignant"; she could have meant "astute and pertinent" but I found another meaning more applicable this week: "physically painful."

Apprentice Precap: The Pie's the Limit

Announcer/on screen: It's been building.

Black and white image of Chris in the boardroom, all worked-up.

Female's voice (Likely Angie, from the recap ep): And then he blew up in the boardroom, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Announcer: A candidate on the edge.

Trump in the boardroom

Same female's voice: ... there's an anger ...

Announcer: And next Thursday, it goes to a whole new level.

Speeded-up images of NY as day turns into night, and then that thunder sound effect the NBC Promo Dept. loves so much.

Chris in the suite, looking dejected/upset

Chris confronting Alex: I do speak fast (Chris sort of bites off the "fast")

Either Chris or Alex says to the other: Just get out of my face.

Announcer: between a loose cannon

Stephanie: He's a nutcase.

Announcer: and a brutal task

Someone sprinkles cheese on pizza dough. (Brutal!)

Angie, in a Domino's Pizza uniform, puts a pizza box on a shelf.

Alex and Chris, at work. Chris snaps at Alex in the Domino's kitchen area, pointing. He says something about getting set up over there.

A shot of someone counting money over a cash register.

Several quick shots of the various candidates, many in Domino's hats. Some look pensive, including Stephanie, Alex, and Kendra. A shot of a ruined pizza ... mmm, metaphorlicious.

Announcer: Get ready for an explosion.

(Suggested ways of "getting ready:" hiking, walking in the park, meditation/quiet contemplation, reading, listening to music, spending time with friends/family/pets ... appreciating the little things in life. Any/all of these things should "center" and "ground" you a bit. If this is not a misleading promo, and an "explosion" happens, you at least won't feel all is lost. Oh! You also may want to talk to a therapist or a member of the clergy. Dear Abby always used to advise that, didn't she?)

Chris, to Alex: Don't you ever, ever talk to me like that. (He points to Alex with each "ever")

Announcer: It's down to the elite eight on The Apprentice.

Images of the candidates are adorably arranged into an almost Bradyesque configuration, with the current team line-ups ignored. The remaining original members of Book Smarts occupy "a lovely lady's" side and the remaining Street Smarts folks that of "this fellow." The center strip which would ordinarily be occupied by Alice and the parents is sadly left vacant even though there's room for Carolyn, George, and what's his face. Well, in the center it does read Street Smarts vs. Book Smarts and there are a bunch of lines connecting various candidates. It sort of resembles a Family Tree of the Damned, or possibly a sports chart ... of the damned. Alex and Kendra are linked and so are Stephanie and Bren. The word vs. might be their mom and dad ... if it were a family tree and genetics operated very differently.

Trump: You're fired. (Trump is wearing a blue tie eerily similar to the one he wore in the final boardroom in the Pandora's Box episode. Is blue the new pink or is this recycled footage from a different angle?)

Announcer: All new, NBC next Thursday (The Apprentice is back to its regular time, 9:00 PM EST next week)

Meet Donald Trump

The Justin's hair: great as is

Justin Louis, 38, has been cast as Donald Trump, or as the ABC press release refers to him, "legendary developer Donald Trump," in a TV movie that begins filming in Toronto on Monday.

Louis, as you know (at least if you visited Louis' IMDB page to check up on the Canadian actor), appeared in the Dawn of the Dead remake. He was also in the mini-series J.F.K.: Reckless Youth, and has had a plethora of other film and TV roles. He played characters with actual names on the vast majority of them, including a recurring role on 24. There is still something weird about Trump being played by someone who has played both "Cocaine Dealer" and "Boyfriend/Stalker."

Executive producer Barbara Lieberman says Trump had "the most gorgeous hair as a young man." So gorgeous, in fact, that before casting the folically-blessed Louis, "we thought we would have to use a wig." The movie covers the 70s to the early 90s -- or the good hair years, as far as Lieberman is concerned.

The movie is based on based on Gwenda Blair's biography, Donald Trump: Master Apprentice but the working title is "Ambition," probably in part because someone at ABC noticed that Master Apprentice is a terrible title. There might have been trademark concerns as well. Ambition isn't a great title either, though. Hmm ...

You're Fired -- too obvious.
The Marrying Man -- taken by an Alec Baldwin movie.
Greed is Good -- too obvious a rip-off of another movie. Can all the good ideas be taken? Yeah, probably
At the End of the Day -- Lovely and poetic which makes it too highbrow as a movie title to appeal to some people.
Step Up to the Plate -- Sounds like the story of Jamie Oliver taking on the problem of low-quality school lunches in Britain .
Meglomania! -- Sounds like a board game -- still kinda cool.
Trump: the Biopic -- sounds official, so it's misleading. Still kinda cool.

When the movie was announced, Trump said Cary Grant (if he was alive) should play him. He will likely make his feelings known about Louis and about the movie in general. Not a shy guy, that Trump. Hope this Louis fellow can capture that. It takes more than stunning hair to play Trump.

Apprentice Precap: Pandora's Box

Announcer: Next Thursday, bring your hardhat, The Apprentice is Under Construction.

Tana and Stephanie are shown wearing hardhats (subtext: no Omarosas this season)

Craig hammers away, not that he has anything to prove about being a hard worker or good at hammering. He probably just likes to hammer.

Erin, clapping, singsongs: Let's cut wood!

Craig working on something else.

Alex holding wood as some dude hammers it.

Craig shaking some guy's hand.

Angie standing, smiling in the work area. Stephanie is standing several feet behind her, as is Chris who looks at his watch. Get to work, lollygaggers!

Announcer: A task that gives the teams a chance to bring families together.

A small boy is shown smiling. Some candidate is "hangin'" with him, as Tana might say.

Tana, with a young girl: One, two ... (Tana is holding the girl's hands out, somehow getting the child to do her work for her under the weak guise of a counting game. Obviously a child labour scandal lies ahead)

A small boy, clapping: Yeah!

Announcer: And a reward that's out of this world.

Man's voice: You are cleared for launch.

They show the tail of a plane as it taxies along. It looks an awful lot like G-FORCE ONE


G-FORCE ONE is a modified Boeing 727-200 cargo aircraft this company rents out "to make the excitement and adventure of space accessible to the public in a safe, fun and cost-effective fashion." Richard Branson sent contestants into a zero gravity plane on his show as part of a challenge. Not everyone enjoys a vacation from gravity; one contestant became hysterical and insisted that the flight be aborted. Bad trip.

Announcer: And just when you thought you were safe in the boardroom.

Carolyn: That was a dumb statement.

Announcer/On Screen: Who would dare?

Trump, looking to his right: You're a real wiseguy, you know that?

Announcer/On Screen: Sass the Donald (Don't get me started on where they put the question mark in that sentence -- as in after "dare")

Trump, looking straight ahead: You're fired.

Announcer: NBC, next Thursday, after "Joey."

The Apprentice All New Next Thursday 8:30

(Does the show still count as all-new if they use the same Zero Gravity flight Rebel Billionaire already used?)

Kwame Not Hired Again

CNN has quashed its plans for a show featuring Apprentice season 1 runner-up Kwame Jackson. The show would have found Kwame "interviewing executive bigwigs and pop stars about their careers."

A deal for the show had been made under CNN's previous management. Jonathan Klein, who became President of CNN/US in November, made the decision to not proceed with the program. He has said "he wants more substantive programming that is still compelling." Maybe he didn't think Kwame's show, described as a "business take" on Inside the Actor's Studio, qualified. I was going to say "fit the bill" but that might not be the best choice of words if Kwame reads this. Why worsen the painful memories of being so close, and yet so far?

Using Body Wash on Face to Sweep North America

Fired Apprentice Candidate Kristen Kirchner has announced, via a press release titled Should Kristen Kirchner Have Been Fired on The Apprentice 3? that she "is in pre-production on a personally financed re-shoot of the Dove commercial" that she directed on the episode on which she was fired. "The thirty-second spot will be released in late Spring," according to the press release, although it is not revealed where the commercial will debut. Perhaps it will first premiere in New York and Los Angeles, and then "drop" elsewhere in the Summer.

Kristen's team is working so hard on the advert that they don't have time for things like proofreading, which is why her press release contains this not-quite-ready-for-press-release sentence:

During Week 4, Project Manager Kirchner was given the axe by The Donald despite the fact that her 'Net Worth' team did not actual lose the challenging task of creating a commercial ad campaign for Dove Cool Moisture Body Wash.

The part seemingly attributing Net Worth's "downward spiral of losses" to Kristen's firing is ... interesting. It leads to the question "Fans of the show continue to wonder, 'Should Kristen Kirchner really have been fired by The Donald?'" -- which can't be a typo because it's in the headline too, although there it's not attributed to these mysterious fans. In any event, you have to love this PR puffery. Oh, okay, you don't have to.

It isn't surprising that Kristen thinks she shouldn't have been fired; many candidates think they shouldn't have been fired. However, most of them don't try to recreate the task Trump feels they failed. That's the (faux-)news. Tara has enough sense to not head out to Harlem with a bunch of spray paint and take-two the Gran Turismo 4 ad. Brian is not spending time in New Jersey intent on proving he can renovate hotels as well as anyone.

It could be the most brilliant commercial ever, and it would still be a bad idea, Kristen. It looks desperate. The idea with Apprentice tasks is to see how you do under a particular set of circumstances -- with a budget, and working with your teammates, who you may or may not get along with, just like in the real corporate world. Whether or not you can direct a great commercial now, on your own terms, is irrelevant. Doing this commercial now just makes you look like a control freak who can't move on. However, in the extremely unlikely event that you are making a cucumber porn ad and this whole thing is a big joke, mad props.

Apprentice Precap: What You Didn't See ...

Announcer: Next Thursday, a special edition of The Apprentice

Trump, Carolyn, and George are shown leaving a building ...

On Screen: All New The Apprentice Special Edition

Erin, in confessional: This is the playoffs, baby.

Announcer: Go inside the moments you never saw.

Angie, upset and gesturing, to a ponytailed woman of some sort: He needs to go.

Announcer: The secrets behind the scenes

Trump, with silly pseudo-eerie "lightning-flashing" effect behind him, accompanied by a thunder sound effect, points and silently mouths "You're fired." Seriously. Maybe one of the behind-the-scenes secrets is that there are not merely a few horrible voice-overs with the rest being real-time Trump ... rather, every Trump line is really done via voice-over. In which case most of the dubbing sounds pretty good!

Erin, in confessional: He railroaded us.

Angie, in confessional: He loses it.

I hope one of the behind-the-scenes secrets is not that every "he" in these unsettling quotes refers to Trump.

Announcer: And finally, the audition tapes that got them here.

Brian: So you need me. Brian is wearing a suit, and staring into the camera with an intensity and from an uncomfortably-close distance that seem to communicate the message, "I'm a short-fuse kinda guy who will be early-season firing fodder"

Danny, singing: I want to be the apprentice. Brian is wearing a peach-coloured suit and walks around the corner of an office into an area where some co-worker types just start to sing back-up as the clip ends. They seem to start singing, "He wants to be the apprentice."

Announcer: And soon, a reward so amazing, it's out of this world.

Looks like ... a ... plane?

Angie, in the living room of the suite, nodding: We can win this.

Announcer: All new Apprentice, next Thursday on NBC.

If you like Angie or Erin, you'll love it!

The Apprentice 3 Episode 7 Recap: Who's the Fairest of Them All?

How Mark Burnett sees Audrey ... as a fragile beauty ... who swears a lot (the thorns?)

No opening credits this week -- perhaps that would have required editing out Chris charming youngsters as a loudmouthed, tobacco-chewing clown. The first shot is of a rose, a "subtle" reference to Audrey. Ah, the rose, so ... dewy? Sweet-smelling? Oh, right. So pretty. Of course it is not just a bed of roses being, uh, a rose. There are also the thorns! Pricking you with their thorniness. Well, maybe not so much if you're the rose. But it still ain't easy.

At least not if there's a rival flower in your rosebush. Particularly a bitter one like John, dropping "sweeties" and fake compliments like-- okay, that's probably more of a problem for humans than flowers. Telling a woman she will make a lot of money because she is "gorgeous and a sweetheart" is not praise. It is sexist and condescending to attribute a woman's success to her looks and/or personality. Spending the rest of the episode calling Audrey a gnat, a baby, and an idiot, and undermining her authority at every turn helps remove any lingering doubt as to whether John might secretly have respected her much. During the hotel renovation task, John called Brian a "silly little man" so John apparently also considers height a valid basis for belittling someone. He might not be merely sexist but also a bully.

It must be difficult for a candidate to work under a Project Manager they don't respect, knowing if they succeed at the task, the Project Manager will win an exemption and look better in Trump's eyes. But John's Michael-esque approach to the task does not seem wise. Hey, at least Michael didn't scare any children while passing out flyers. He stuck to frightening adults. Adults-a-go-go even. Regular clowns horrify children enough, did Net Worth really need a giant and surly one "attracting" customers?

Naturally there was another option. Like John, Kendra did not see eye to eye with her Project Manager. With the two courses right next to each-other, Kendra thought the task would come down to marketing, and was not sure her Stephanie understood that. Her response was obvious. Say nothing, pass out a few flyers, call her Project Manager an idiot, and object to everything she does, so you can more easily blame her for the inevitable loss. No, wait. That was John's approach.

Kendra suggested working out deals, possibly with discounts, with places such as skating rinks where kids took lessons nearby. Stephanie okayed that with not much enthusiasm, but Kendra was not shown calling her an "idiot." Along with Erin she set up exclusive cross-promotional marketing with flyers tailored to several different venues. Carolyn later cited these flyers as instrumental in Magna's win.

John might have sacrificed his chances of being hired to the short-term goal of ousting Audrey. Kendra came up with the idea (and did much of the subsequent work) that gave her team the win, although the exemption went to Stephanie. John helped eliminate a rival by essentially sabotaging his own team. In terms of your team's best interests as well as your own, it seems smarter to emulate Kendra. Even if it was vital that Audrey go as soon as possible, that was going to happen soon. Her teammates had identified her as a weak team player and as soon as she led, she would be revealed as an ineffectual leader. Carolyn even rolled her eyes at Audrey's explanation of why she should be Project Manager.

It's ability and performance that should count here and not looks. Yet Trump seemed to think John's reference to Audrey's appearance was a compliment. At least Faux-George Ashley Cooper was properly appalled by John's statement that Audrey "is what she is ... a 22-year-old girl." After firing Audrey, Trump remarked, "At least they can't say I picked the best-looking one," as though he sure had showed the mysterious "they." The viewers did not need to know that Trump considers every remaining candidate less attractive than Audrey. Does Trump usually discuss whether or not he finds potential new employees attractive? Odd that he was comfortable mentioning something so irrelevant on television.

Audrey was horrible, and this week, John was too. He should have been called out for his significant failures. Once Audrey revealed her backstory, and John's ego was raging out of control, he had the advantage when it came to storyline potential. Perhaps more significantly, he also has won as Project Manager and until this episode has always seemed competent and rarely malicious. The same can't be said for Audrey. So the man who compared himself to a lion will get a thorn in his paw another day; it just won't be left there by a so-called rose. Or a gnat, as the case may be. Audrey was a weak leader, her storyline potential was exhausted, and most likely, so was she. Her boardroom performance was "a complete disaster," and she gave Trump little reason to not fire her.

We're stuck with Trump for at least two more seasons, so his failures are much more disappointing.

Survivor Palau Episode 3 Recap: It's A Shame About Jeff

Jeff Probst is a big meanie, complains Kim as this week's episode begins. Ulong has just returned from Tribal Council, minus Ashlee. Probst had the nerve to ask whether Kim's snuggling with her tribemate, Jeff (man, those two Jeffs are confusing) could be seen as an alliance. How dare he? She didn't really say "big ol' meanie," she said she didn't like his questions, but her pouting and petulant tone left no doubt she considers him a meanie. James watches as she cuddles with Jeff. In confessional, James tells us that all Kim has is her sexuality and that she has to go. Non-Survivor-viewers across the world ask friends and loved ones, "Did you hear something?" as Survivor viewers across the world let out a small but fairly unanimous cheer for James.

At Koror it's pouring rain and what Tom has lovingly dubbed their "lame shelter" fails to provide much protection. They are also getting on each-other's nerves. Coby has noticed the downside to winning the Immunity Challenges, "You know you can't ever get rid of anybody."

Caryn and Katie would definitely like to be rid of each-other. Caryn thinks Katie is "tart," and "has something to say all the time about everything," especially to her. She confronts her, but not in a very productive way. Caryn accuses her of making snotty remarks and demands to know why she has an attitude only with her, interrupts her, and then leaves before she can respond. In confessional, Caryn acknowledges that she may have just hurt her standing in the tribe. Don't worry, Caryn, you were annoying last week too!

Reward Challenge: By Any Means Necessary


Not the pic Probst would have selected

In this challenge, members from each tribe take turns turns facing off in the water for control of a life preserver. The first two battles are one-on-one -- a member from each tribe swims out to retrieve a life preserver. The opposing team member tries to keep them from reaching the buoy, and take the life preserver from them. The third battle is two-on-two, with two members from each team fighting each-other. The first tribe to score three points wins a sewing kit. The lack of big-name sponsors thus far this season is so refreshing. Almost as refreshing as a nice, long sip of cool, delicious [the name of your company's beverage could appear HERE! Leave a comment on this recap with your email address. We'll talk].

In the first match-up Jeff held back and let Tom get the life preserver. Tom put it around his waist and Jeff dragged him down. Jeff won a point. Stephenie then went against Jennifer in what Jeff excitedly declares "a good, old-fashioned catfight." Thanks for pointing out that we're supposed to find this portion of the RC titilating, Jeff. Some people who were not enjoying it on that level may have been able to do so once he mentioned that. Okay, so the two women splashed at each other a lot. That sort of thing. It didn't do anything for me. Stephenie won. In the two-on-two- battle, Bobby Jon and Angie took on Gregg and Janu. Angie dunked both Janu and Gregg -- she went after them in a fairly harsh way -- and Ulong won the reward.

Upon returning to camp, Stephenie tells her tribemates, "That was so awesome, we totally kicked their ass." Bobby Jon hugs and kisses Angie, who grins and laughs. He also insists, "That's what I'm talking about," but clever editing obscures whether it's the kiss and/or the hug that is in fact what he is talking about -- darn editors!

Ibrehem has no idea what he could do with a sewing kit, but Bobby Jon thinks it's great, both for sewing and to use for fishing line and hooks. He is less happy about his tribe. The problem should not surprise us, given that Ulong is a younger tribe. Naturally, they are a bunch of, what the kids call "slackers." Apparently this "slacking" activity is still "cool" nowadays. Odd that the young tribe has even one hard worker. Bobby Jon must be some sort of weirdo. He works hard to get them food, while they lay around and nap or watch him get food. Bobby Jon says Kim is the worst one, and doesn't understand the value of work. Kim thinks Bobby Jon works too hard, and tells us he might "crash and burn" in two weeks.

The Koror Killing Klub

Gregg, Tom, and Ian find a venomous snake. Aaaiiigh! Run! They want to eat it. Okay, sure, that's also an option. Ian chops its head off. He loves animals and hated the idea of killing the snake. So he apologizes before he kills it. That probably made the snake feel a lot better about being killed. Not as good as the snake would have felt about being alive, but pretty good. They find three more snakes, and kill them. As the carcasses hang over the water to dry, Koror notices that they seem to be attracting a shark. The three snake-killing buddies ask Jennifer to "chop some snake up," and they place it in the water to try to lure the shark closer. They stand in the water, with sharpened sticks, hoping to kill the shark. Tom tells us that the shark saw them, and kept away, and they probably could not have done much with sticks anyway. He must not be familiar with that saying about "sticks and stones."

Immunity Challenge: Hot Pursuit

The IC treemail arrives at least a day sooner than Jeff had hoped it would. During the night he rolled his ankle over a coconut and injured it. Don't pretend it hasn't happened to you. It hurts! He has a bad limp, and from the sound of the treemail, the IC is purely physical.


Must ... not ... quit ... must ... win ... challenges ... win ... million. Hatch says ... it's not even .... taxable income ...

The survivors might nickname this Immunity Challenge Tag In Hell. Everyone carries a backpack weighing 20 pounds. The tribes start out attached to each other, clipped to a rope and start at opposite sides of an oval course. They run on the beach, in the water, trying to catch up to each other. Any tribe members falling behind may unclip from the rope and drop out of the race, but they must give their backpack to another player, who must carry the extra weight. The first tribe to catch up to the other tribe and tag them wins Immunity.

Jeff immediately quit, and gave his backpack to Bobby Jon. Caryn and Willard also immediately quit, giving their backpacks to Tom and Ian. It eventually came down to a race between Gregg, Ian, and Tom for Koror versus Bobby Jon, Ibrehem and Stephenie for Ulong. Tom, carrying a heavy load, was able to burst forward and tag Ibrehem, securing Koror its third Immunity in a row.

Returning to camp, Jeff asks his tribemates to vote him out because his ankle is going to take too much time to heal. They question whether he's sure, hating the idea of losing him, but he doesn't waver. Bobby Jon tells Angie he plans to vote for Kim and tries to sway her from voting for Jeff. He shows her, from a distance, Jeff cutting fruit for the tribe, as Kim does nothing.

Tribal Council

At Tribal Council, Ibrehem insists that, "If we would have had Jeff, we would have won" immunity. Bobby Jon disagrees, believing Koror won because of Tom. Jeff splits the difference, asserting that Ulong at least would have had a better chance with him in the IC. He says he wants to be able to help his tribe but he can't.

Jeff notes that Kim seems "very frustrated." She denies it but then off she goes.

"I'll admit to you, it's hard being on this team when you have these guys that are very strong and tons of stamina and workaholics. I could never measure up to Bobby Jon, I mean he's frickin' Tarzan." - Kim, on why it's hard to be Kim

She adds that it's frustrating to lose, she's sick of being at TC, and don't you hate that yucky mustard that leaks out and dries on the top of the cap? Debbie Downer continues her lament, "Our tribe's obviously manifested itself to being a tribe that the strongest stay and the weakest go." She sounds frustrated and a bit disgusted by that "manifestation." Stupid survival of the fittest. It is obviously discriminatory to vote out weaker players. It would be much more fair to vote out people who best help the tribe win challenges and who provide the tribe with food.


Jeff gets his wish

Survivor: Palau Insider Video reveals that Angie only voted for Jeff because of his "bad attitude." She also says, "You're not a martyr; this isn't for your ankle." Perhaps Angie's vote went unaired because it was inconsistent with that storyline -- that Jeff is a team player and, yes, sort of a martyr. James and Bobby Jon vote for Kim, with James calling Kim lazy and Bobby Jon saying he refuses to play her and Jeff's "silly-ass game." Jeff can't vote for himself and apparently wouldn't vote for his "warmth" friend. He votes for James. James looks flabbergasted when Jeff reads the vote against him. Jeff's torch is snuffed and he tells his former tribemates to take Koror to the cleaners. Kim wonders why a sewing kit is a great reward if there's a cleaners on the island, and why should they take Koror to the cleaners? Let them do their own laundry, and they should do hers too, and maybe one of them can snuggle with her and keep people from being mean to her and trying to vote against her.

Next Week on Survivor:

Treemail instructs Ulong and Koror to "choose a tribal representative to make some important choices." Coby asks, "What if the person goes and doesn't come back?" Jeff incredulously asks Ulong, "You've not picked a representative yet?" Hey, they're slackers, and slackers slack!

Apprentice Precap: Bling It On

A spotlight shines on these names, as they appear on the screen, one at a time:

ANNOUNCER: Moby, Barenaked Ladies, Eve, Gene Simmons of KISS (the Announcer says "Gene Simmons of KISS but on screen they oddly leave off the "of").

Moby is shown looking Mobyish, i.e. slightly concened-looking.

ANNOUNCER: What do they all have in common?

There is a quick shot of the Barenaked Ladies, and one of Eve wearing a leopard-print blazer. Gene Simmons is shown wearing black blazer and dark sunglasses.

ANNOUNCER (and on screen): They're all on The Apprentice.

TRUMP: That's a big point.

A control room is shown.

Craig and Tana are shown filming or rehearsing, from a distance, and then up close, with Tana speaking into a microphone.

Erin is shown, apparently with a fuse veejay and one of the Barenaked Ladies. The screen caption reads "Rock Auction Experience - 'Bare Naked Laddies'. Erin and the possible-veejay turn to look at the "Laddy."

ERIN: Aaaaah!

Craig and Tana, again, on a TV monitor, both holiding microphones. The caption indicates they are auctioning off a Lil' Kim item.

Chris is laughing as he looks at a laptop. He is wearing sunglasses although he is indoors. Perhaps he has recently had his eyes dilated, or he is feeling a tad photosensitive.

George smiles broadly, possibly at the wacky antics of the "Bare Naked Laddies."

Craig and Tana, yet again -- the caption is Hollywood Experience With Eve.

Gene Simmons is alone and holding a microphone. The caption reads: Rock Auction Experience - Jet Set to the Box Set.

Then Erin is shown squeezing her eyes tightly shut. Someone wearing a black -- sure looks like a blazer -- has his hand around her neck (Gene Simmons might be the one putting the squeeze on Erin. If so, she's getting quite a variety of experiences. One week, it's like a golf show; the next it's like Fear Factor).

ANNOUNCER: Next week, the biggest task yet: a live charity auction, with some of the greatest stars in music.

Quick shot of the control room.

Craig and Tana are shown, possibly filming a promo. No, seriously. I think Craig and Tana work together on camera during this episode.

TANA, repeatedly pointing to herself as she speaks: I love him; he's my dawg.

TRUMP, speaking to someone off-camera: she's good on television (either that's an out-of-context clip or Trump has weird taste. Then again, he probably thinks he's good on television too).

Kendra high-fives Alex; they are in the suite.

ANNOUNCER: And for Book versus Street, the end is here.

(Both teams are shown sitting in the boardroom on separate sides. There is then a brief shot of Carolyn).

TRUMP: It's time for a corporate restructure.

ANNOUNCER: All-new Apprentice next Thursday on NBC.

Own Donald Trump's Guitar

That is so money

It took the persuasive power of Alias' Greg Grunberg to convince Donald Trump to take up finger-painting. It probably helped that it was for such a good cause.

Grunberg's son has epilepsy and saw different doctors and tried several medications over the course of a frustrating year-and-a-half. At the Division of Pediatric Neurology at UCLA he was finally was put on a combination of drugs that proved successful, and he now is almost seizure-free.

Grunberg has made it "his mission" to raise money for the The Pediatric Epilepsy Project at UCLA (PEP). Grunberg's latest effort is an auction of guitars hand-painted by celebrities.
Participating celebrities include, among many others, Jennifer Garner, Brian Wilson, Mick Fleetwood, and of course Donald Trump.

Trump's guitar is a Les Paul Junior, hand-painted with dollar signs, and autographed by the artist himself. More details about that 6-string:

This stripped-down classic rocker with an edgy tone was introduced in 1955. Features include a mahogany neck and body, rosewood 22-fret fingerboard, P-90 pickup, compensated wraparound bridge, and chrome hardware.

The auction ends on May first and bidding is in increments of $100. The current bid as of this writing is $1,050.00 which is "too low," but the auction has only just begun.

A more affordable way to help the cause is to purchase greeting cards designed by celebrities. Alas, Trump has not contributed one, at least not yet. However, unscripted dramas are represented by The Bachelorette's Trista and Ryan, American Idol's Ryan Seacrest, and Celebrity Mole Hawaii winner Kathy Griffin.