Precap: The Games People Play

Warning: very detailed precap follows. Anyone looking for spoiler material possibly shouldn't put too much stock into the TiVo-freeze-frame-a-thon that follows this intro. All of the candidates look pretty miserable. It looks like all of them were put through the wringer, or least given enough of a hard time so that there was footage of all of them looking stressed-out.

Announcer: Next Thursday, it's down to The Apprentice final three.

On screen: Next Thursday (against a backdrop of skyscrapers)

The usual graphic, now down to three ... Kendra on the left, looking thoughtful (with "Book Smarts" written underneath her image) "versus" Craig, with a "duh" expression on his face (it's true!), on top and Tana, smiling beneath him. "Street Smarts" is written in between their images. The headline is The Apprentice Final Three. Also, this episode will be rated TV PG. Perhaps one of the interviewers calls Craig a butthole, but don't worry, I'm sure the "hole" will be censored for our protection.

Announcer: Which means only one thing.

Tana exits Trump Tower, followed by Kendra and Craig. The camera angle switches to a street shot in time to give us a view of Kendra's legs (Tana is wearing a black pantsuit, Kendra a gray blouse and skirt and a tan coat, Craig a black suit and a bowtie).

Announcer/On screen: Bring on the interviews.

A bunch of very quick images, broken down here through the magic of TiVo-freeze-framing:

A female interviewer with Tana. The interviewer has short hair and is wearing glasses. She is wearing a teal necklace, sort of a choker, that has approximately 5,000 beaded strands layered against/on top of each-other. Perhaps it was beadchokered. That doesn't sound right. Then again, I don't think Bedazzler sounds right either. The overly-necklaced-woman has several sheafs of paper in front of her and has a pen.

Close-up of that interviewer, which probably unfairly makes her look a little shifty or skeptical. She has a couple of desks in addition to her main desk. Three desks and yet all of them have lots of things that wouldn't fit into a Desk Apprentice, like plants and a lamp. She does not appear to have enough space for a Desk Apprentice even with three desks! Oh, how I wish she would ask each of the candidates about that.

Balding White Guy with blue shirt and nice tie interviewing Craig (sorry for the unseemly reference to his receding hairline, but I need some way to shorthand way to refer to each of the interviewers). BWG also lacks space for a Desk Apprentice.

Craig leans forward, looks nervous. His eyes are half closed (or is it half-open? Is this a "glass of milk" situation?). The camera zooms in on Craig. He starts to speak.

Close-up of Old Mean Man -- an older, unsmiling, white-haired man with brown eyes, and glasses.

Kendra, also unsmiling, looking very serious, and possibly not all that happy.

Closer view of OMM, still not smiling.

40sish white dude with brown hair. Camera moves closer toward him. And closer and closer. WAYNE'S WORLD, WAYNE'S WORLD!!

He's interviewing Craig, whose tongue is protruding from between his lips. Its tip is touching the right side of his lips. He looks uneasy. His bow tie is starting to come apart. He moves his tongue toward the center. As the image leaves us it looks as though his tongue is about to flick toward the left side, but there is no way to tell for sure until if/when we see the end of his tongue's voyage next week. (it is not a journey because this is not a dating show)

Back to Teal Woman for no apparent reason.

Close-up of a man's hand taking notes.

Teal Woman: Do you think it's really possible...

Craig: ... my leadership style... (Awesome! I can't wait to hear Craig describe his leadership style!)

Assorted unintelligible gibberish from the interviews plays in the background...

Screen split into four equal images: starting at the upper left and going clockwise: a hand taking notes, Kendra speaking to an interviewer (whose shoulder is visible), Craig about to talk, and Tana, eyes down, lips pursed, and then she starts to talk.

Close-up of an interviewer's mouth, talking.

Screen split into four equal images: in the same order: Kendra talking, Craig talking to an interviewer (whose head and shoulder are visible), Tana talking, and a pen writing.

OMM, looking creepy.

40ish dude grimaces a bit. Skeptical?

Craig does the tongue thing again.

Teal Woman looks to the right.

Announcer: And it won't be easy.

The screen has one central image and many, many small images surround it. Kendra, Craig, and Tana are at the bottom, and on top. Interviewers are on each side. In the center, balding man's (I'm so sorry) image gets larger as he asks:

Balding dude: Why should Mr. Trump hire you?

Craig, glassy-eyed. He closes his eyes and starts to lower his head.

Tana, one eye half-closed.

OMM gestures while holding a pen.

40sish dude looks down while talking.

Close-up of Kendra.

Close-up of Craig, unhappy.

Close-up of Tana, eyes closed, unhappy.

Close-up of Teal Woman, smiling, but skeptically?

40sish dude looking up with an expression that seems to convey a certain "You feel lucky, punk?" attitude. Or not. Hard to tell with a millisecond-length image.

Balding, possibly entirely nice and wonderful man in boardroom. (Actually he does seem like he might be one of the less-confrontational interviewers. Maybe.)

All interviewers in boardroom. And they've brought their notes! George and Carolyn are both there with Trumpy. No business trips this week.

Teal Woman in boardroom.

40sish dude talking, with Teal Woman beside him.

40sish dude making a funny face. "Honestly, I think the guy is kind of a butt[bleep]." (this is just how it goes in my mind's eye. He could possibly be saying "That young lady needs to learn to respect her elders.").

OMM talking.

Carolyn, looking less-than-content, but wearing mildly funky earrings.

Screen split: center image of Tana, looking unhappy, with her forehead furrowed. Many images surround her. A gesturing Kendra, Craig, and Tana (again) are beneath her. Above her: Kendra almost nodding, Tana talking and smiling ... probably Craig too but I didn't jot down his presence and I am not going back to the TiVo! Interviewers are on both sides of Tana, as well as an image of clasped hands.

Announcer: And in the first half-hour

On screen: First 1/2 hour. In the background, clouds race by behind a skyscraper. The clouds spell out ... Michael comes back and is named The Apprentice. OK, not really. But, c'mon. He has a parking lot. Doesn't he deserve to win?

Announcer: The final three will fight it out.

Tana, Craig, and Kendra sitting on a couch. Tana and Kendra have their legs crossed toward Craig; body-language-wise, that allegedly means they are not feeling hostile at least. They all look nervous.

The image suddenly morphs into:

Tana, Craig, and Kendra sitting in the boardroom.

They can teleport!

The Super-Candidates: this Fall on NBC!

Carolyn, possibly looking suspicious. She looks to the right.

George, looking like ... George. That's all I got.

Tana voiceover: This is our one chance to prove ourselves. (she might have really said "ourself." It seems unlike Tana to mispronounce something or get the grammar wrong, but it doesn't matter. We is none of us perfect. ;-)).

Tana packs.

Craig packs.

Kendra puts her suitcase on the floor.

Announcer/on screen: The biggest boardroom of the season. (camera approaches the closed boardroom doors from the lobby)

Kendra, in confessional: This is it, this is my moment. (Kendra is wearing a black lowcut outfit and I think her nail polish is purple).

Tana, Craig, and Kendra stand and walk toward the boardroom. Craig is the speediest, Tana the slowest.

Close-up of boardroom doors. An ethereal shot of Trump is superimposed over them and then replaces them as he enters the boardroom.

An image of the night sky appears... and LIVE GRAND FINALE appears on the screen.

Announcer: All leading to the live grand finale.

Trump: You're hired. (At first his back is turned to the camera. He turns around in his chair to make that exciting declaration. For a moment I felt I actually had been hired, and was going to have to pull a Bren and reject him, or make him not want to hire me).

Announcer: All-new Apprentice, next Thursday.

Want a Desk Apprentice But Fear It's Overpriced and Will Take Over Your Desk?

Why not turn to the helpful folks at Office Depot? The Desk Apprentice is sold out in the U.S. anyway, and it won't even arrive in Canadian stores until next week. Besides, that thing is $35 in the U.S. and $49.96 in Canada, and while it may not be the desk accessory that ate Manhattan, it could well be the desk accessory that eats your desk space. More power to you if you have a desk the size of Trump's dining room table and the need to store, say, hundreds of sheets of printer paper nearby. If not, but you like the idea of Magna's desk organizer, fear not! There are lots of similar (and cheaper) gizmos. Some even ... rotate. Here's a look at a few other options to tidy up your desk. All items are from the U.S. Office Depot website (the Canadian site is moody tonight).



Office Depot Rotary Desk Organizer

This organizer spins. How very innovative. It has ten separate compartments and a built-in tape dispenser. The organizer comes with a staple remover, pens, paper clips, push pins, scissors, a ruler, a letter opener, and tape. $16.98



Innovative Storage Designs Desktop Organizer

This snazzy desktop organizer includes a battery-operated letter opener, kids!

It also features a large removable pencil holder, a notepad holder and a slotted letter holder. No gigantic area for holding hundreds of sheets of spare printer paper, however, sorry. Available in ebony or clear. $17.54



Innovative Storage Designs Desktop Organizer, 5 Compartments

This is similar to the above organizer but adds a couple additional compartments. Available in ebony or clear. $22.12



The Memo Stabber 5000

Okay, so it's really called "Rogers Wire Memo Spindle, Message Spindle, Black" but that's much less vivid. People might start bothering you less if you just keep some pens and pencils in a cup and stick whatever paper they bother you with on one of these. Or at least they'll bother you more via e-mail instead, which is more environmentally-friendly. $1.98

Ah, now why not go buy a pizza -- or two -- with all the money you saved? Perhaps at Papa John's or a good local place?

Apprentice Precap: Bedazzled by a Beefy T

Announcer: They started as Teams: Book Smarts versus Street Smarts

The original Teams are shown.

Next Thursday, it's down to The Apprentice Final Four

On Screen: The Apprentice Final Four

Kendra and Alex's photos are put into adorable little "Book Smarts" boxes and lined up in opposition to Tana and Craig on the "Street Smarts" side. Is this a hint that the original theme will be brought back next week by putting Kendra on Net Worth? Oh, but these promos are so wildly misleading ... should we be afraid to trust? It would be pretty funny for the Book Smarts Team to end up entirely composed of Street Smarts candidates and vice-versa.

Alex voiceover: It is me against the world.

Alex is shown looking possibly dejected, possibly contemplative with a soupcon of ennui. Possibly worried in the wake of that whole "I thought you were a star, and you're not really a star. You're not a star, and I'm disappointed" thing. That was probably a bummer.

Announcer/On screen: The desperation

Trump: It would have been to your advantage to tell the truth.

Flash of light

Very brief black-and-white image of Tana standing in an office labeled Net Worth. It required freeze-framing the image to see this clearly. Her face is obscured by her hands, but she sure looks like Tana. A Net Worth sign is clearly visible right outside the door

Announcer/on screen: The backstabbing

Alex, in confessional: I didn't see that coming at all.

Craig puts on a jacket.

Random black-and-white image of Kendra.

Announcer/on screen: The claws are coming out.

Cab door closes.

Craig: How many times do you want me to tell you?

Kendra: I want you to just stop talking to me.

(If they're going to depict Craig and Kendra's fighting as "the claws are coming out" does that mean they were in before this episode? Wow. Then why have they been promoting their tiffs so heaviliy?)

Over a cityscape of New York, Alex and Kendra's, well, heads are superimposed above the words "Book Smarts" and then replaced by Tana and Craig's heads and the words "Street Smarts" (Yes, those were their original Teams, and remain their "identity" according to the show at least, but even without having freeze-framed the promo, it has shown us Kendra and Craig in a cab alone together next week. Not very clever if they wanted to keep the new Team line-ups a mystery. Guess they just can't resist any opportunity to show conflict, at least between those two).

Announcer: Book Smarts. Street Smarts.

Announcer/ on screen:The Apprentice Final Four

Trump: You're fired.

Announcer: NBC, next Thursday

Product Placement Linked to Freak Storm, Injuries

The Norwegian Dawn cruise ship was damaged by a large wave Saturday, and 4 passengers were injured, after the ship's itinerary was altered, allegedly to make it available for "product placement" on an episode of The Apprentice.

The ship was originally scheduled to stop in the Bahaman port Nassau, and then return to New York at 10 AM EST, Sunday. However, shortly before the ship left, passengers were informed that Nassau was no longer on the itinerary and that the ship would return to New York 5 hours early "because of a special event happening onboard the ship that day."

A "source close to Donald Trump's TV show" claims this special event was an 8 AM shoot for The Apprentice. While Norwegian Cruise Line would not be paid for the shoot, the source notes that "it was going to be a good promotion for the ship. It's a very hot show."

While traveling from Miami to New York Friday morning, the Norwegian Dawn ran into waves as high as 25 feet and greater-than-55-mph winds. Passengers describe the ship "violent pitching" lasting 20 hours, as rooms filled with seawater, tables overturned, and glass broke. Saturday, a "freak" 70-foot wave hit the ship's bow and flooded 62 rooms. 4 people were treated for injuries, none serious.

Some passengers accuse Captain Niklas Peterstam of steering the ship into the path of the storm.

"He knew the weather was bad and he went right through," said Robin Hanley, 44, of Boston.

Indeed, weather Channel meteorologist Steve Leon says, "They should have known they would be in 25-foot seas," noting that 25-foot waves had been measured in the area, and "rough waters" had been predicted last week.

"We knew where the storm was, and we knew where the center of the storm was," acknowledges Bill Hamlin, an executive vice president at Norwegian Cruise Line, who says the ship had turned away from the storm. "But this wave was significantly larger than other waves."

The U.S. Coast Guard has said Captain Peterstam acted properly. However, an investigator from The National Transportation Safety Board has been sent to investigate the incident.

Following the incident, the ship stopped in Charleston, S.C. for repairs and a Coast Guard inspection and returned to New York on Monday. Of course, Trump hates waiting, so the Norwegian Dawn was likely outta luck. Plus if the ship was to be used as part of a reward, that is kind of a time-sensitive thang, as the kids say. Maybe the Apprentice 4 task-winners got to worship the very shiny and tacky Trumpapartment a week or two early. If it was really last-minute, perhaps they had to chow down on Count Chocula for breakfast. There were people injured on the ship, but maybe there are some forgotten victims of the allegedly publicity-hungry folks at Norwegian Cruise Line: Apprentice candidates who would have preferred a less chocolatey most-important-meal-of-the-day. The world may never know.

The Apprentice 3 Episode 12 Recap: Kendra In the Driver's Seat

Kendra working through the night, possibly craving a Papa John's pizza


So the bell finally tolled for Chris, and it can hardly have been a surprise. A candidate can generally only lose for so long and stick around, Kwame's 9 losses notwithstanding.

Trump cited Chris' 7 losses as a reason for firing him, along with holding him accountable, as the Project Manager, for Net Worth's loss this week. "The bottom line," according to Trump, was that Chris was the Project Manager, and the "team was a mess. The project was no good." With that, Trump concluded, "Chris, you're fired. Seven weeks in a row. You are fired." This time there wasn't an Angie to save him; Trump had wanted to toss her for a long time anyway. Bren or Chris would have had to commit some screw-up of truly impressive, perhaps epic, magnitude, for there to have been any other result this week. Perhaps if one of them had started setting fires in the suite. Sometimes, it's just your time to go, and Chris probably knew it was his time. Chris may be a complete disaster (though if that's so, what does it say about Trump that he didn't fire him long ago?), but in the boardroom, he is usually fairly persuasive and sharp. Except for the times when he gets worked-up and yells, of course. This week, he was subdued and reflective, a bit too much like he was giving his own eulogy.

Announcer: It's not just about the task.
It's not just about the reward.
It's not just about who gets fired.
It's what happens after.

Female Voiceover: Oh God.
~ ridiculously misleading hype-filled promo for this week's episode, "A Lonely Drive"

NBC promoted this episode as featuring the "first-ever post-firing sobfest" and bragged that "Donald Trump feels so bad that he invites the firee to join him on the other side of the boardroom table and a sincere, tear-filled moment ensues." So I guess he's not a nice enough guy to not call people a loser or a disaster, just nice enough to create a Very Special Moment on T.V. if they cry after they're fired. I suppose that's swell too, in it's own way.

Speaking of taking credit where it isn't really due, we have Craig and Tana. Of course, there wouldn't be a credit problem if they had put in their share of the work. Okay, they may not have not learned the fine art of the all-nighter while doing the college thing. However, they're both doing the parenting thing. Craig has 4 children and Tana has 2. Raising kids tends to require sleepless nights, certainly when they're babies, but also when they're sick or hurt or have nightmares. Craig provided some information in his NBC bio, which helps clarify whether or not he is comfortable with working late-night hours. The bio states that he "is currently an EMT and firefighter working 24-hours a day, every 3 days." So much for bodies not functioning late at night.

It isn't just that he didn't want to put in extra work while Kendra was the PM, though. Bren said Craig and Tana don't do all-nighters. Maybe their reasoning was this: Why do more work than you have to when Net Worth always loses anyway? Not great reasoning when you're on camera at all times and you're in competition for a job, though. Trump hated that Alex even took a nap.

Especially baffling was Tana's decision to cite on camera her exemption from firing as a reason to not stay and work. In confessional, she told us, "My comfort level is, I like to get my ass in bed around one. So I have no problem saying, 'Honey I know I did a damn good job, I'm exempt, my ass isn't going anywhere, so good night, god bless.'" Did she forget that Trump has access to televisions? Should she make it to the final two, that statement, and its tone, will not be a mark in her favour. Not only did Tana decide to go rest on her laurels, she wasn't even nice about it. She could have slept for a few hours without it ending her contribution to the task. Why not tell Kendra you're sorry, but you really need to nod off for a bit? Suggest you sleep for a couple hours, come back with some food for her, and handle whatever work she would like you to from that point forward? Even if she didn't actually want to be hard-working, genuinely nice, classy, and professional, it's foolish not to realize that she should at least appear to be all those things if she wants to be hired. Shouldn't someone who sells make-up for a living be familiar with the concept of appearances being altered to conceal reality?

The ol' Jenn. M. trick at presentation time shows an awareness of appearances. Tana knew Kendra's brochure turned out well, likely much better than she expected it to, and good enough for her to want to take credit for it. Of course, since she had very little to do with it, all she can tell the execs is meaningless prattle like, "We just want to take the opportunity to thank you for the incredible opportunity to work with such an incredible car." Kendra smoothly took over, and Tana interrupted her. Not cool. Tana knew this was Kendra's project and that she was the appropriate person to talk about it. If she had any interrest in sharing those duties, she should have discussed it with her beforehand.

The editors apparently decided to bring back the thoroughly unpleasant Tana from the very early days of The Apprentice this week. There's the competent and sometimes adorkable Tana and every so often there's the pretty unlikeable Tana. The editors like to mix it up. Thing is, they can't do this without help from Tana. Yet with so little of the footage shot actually aired, it's hard to know just where the truth lies. Her performance and behaviour during this week's task were not apprenticeworthy, but they also may have been atypical, and this was an awfully negative edit for Tana.

Craig, on the other hand, is essentially a blockhead. A lot of adjectives could precede the "blockhead" to specify the many types of his blockheadery. He's extraordinarily sexist, reason enough to give send him to the taxi. The oft-mentioned communication problem apparently extends not only to his ability to make his ideas understood but also to his ability to process other people's ideas, and give them a fair shake. He bizarrely accused Kendra of believing in her own ideas when she suggested peppersteak pizza. He and Tana both immediately put the smackdown on the idea of multimedia content being included with the brochure. CD-ROMs are frequently used to advertise cars, and sure enough, the execs loved the inclusion of a spot for one. Kendra explained the theme of the brochure as "a love affair with the car," with a different emotion on every page. Craig complained that there was no theme. Even at the end of the day, he thought they didn't have "a concept, a theme, or an idea." He resented her having any input into the studio photo session. For some reason, when Craig is Project Manager, only his vision matters, and when Kendra is Project Manager, only Craig's vision matters. Yet once he saw how good her brochure was, he decided "we all delivered on this task."

During the box task, Craig's teammates came around and improved their attitudes. Still, Kendra said during a confessional that Craig was the only one who deserved the reward. Neither Craig nor Tana made such remarks ... unless they were left on the cutting room floor. Maybe they were full of regret for their behaviour, but there wasn't room for their apologies, what with all the footage of Kendra outrunning them and slam-dunking a basketball.

Romber Marry, Republic Stands

According to an article in professional unscripted drama contestant Amber Brkich's hometown newspaper, she and the similarly employed Rob Mariano finally married today in the Bahamas.

No plagues or swarms of locusts have yet been reported, either in their homeland or abroad. One moderate earthquake shook Southern California this afternoon but it was not believed to have caused any damage or injuries.

CBS taped the very private moment for international broadcast on May 24. Wedding guests were required to sign confidentiality contracts, as wedding guests usually do. According to the newspaper article, bridesmaids were expected to wear teal. Brkich, 26, previously gave CBS, which will air her nuptials, an interview in which she revealed that she wanted men to wear white linen to the wedding. No word on whether Mariano, 29, agreed, or whether perhaps some exciting last-minute negotiations might have resulted in a change of colour for the gents. As colour can change the entire mood of an event, this could make a drastic difference.

With five teams remaining in The Amazing Race 7, Rob and Amber remain in the running for another million dollars. Since filming actually finished quite a while ago, the happy couple already knows how they finished. They have at least scored a few trips, to Monaco, London, and, well ... the Bahamas. They have also distinguished themselves in the Race by some Very Special Romber Moments, such as being the only team to not stop when another team was in an accident in which their vehicle flipped over and a cameraman was injured. However, ratings have been very good this season, so people must find them watchable.

They are, compared to The Amazing Race 6's Jonathan Baker and Victoria Fuller, who are shooting a VH1 unscripted drama pilot and taking advice from Omarosa. Actually, this may be the unscripted drama equivalent of plagues and locusts.

Tokyo Sexwale the New Donald Trump

Hair, no. Ethics, yes.

Martha Stewart soon won't be the only Apprentice boss with a rap sheet.

Tokyo Sexwale is South Africa's version of Donald Trump and he has quite a unique background. He was a freedom fighter, and as a result was imprisoned for 28 years. He spent five years working for the government, and was the premier of Gauteng, South Africa's smallest, but most industrialized provence. He later went into business and now has something of a massive business empire, including companies with interests in mining, energy, hotels, transport, telecommunications, property, health, banking, and financial services.

At a press conference held to publicize The South African version of The Apprentice, Sexwale said the job he enjoyed the most was premier of Gauteng, "because I had the most power. I have lost all that and lost my hair!" However, he says he will not return to government work.

Sexwale explains, "We've won political democracy. Now we need economic democracy as well, and we must do it our own way."

The acting head of programming at SABC3, the network that will air The Apprentice in South Africa puts it in an even more soundbite-friendly way, "The struggle is not ended. The battlefields have simply moved from the streets to the boardrooms."

However, it isn't cutthroat capitalism Sexwale advocates. "It's very important in this changing country that we have new role models, we bring ethics in business to the table and that we emphasise humane leadership," he argues.

Sexwale also claims with a wink that he was "urged by his wife" to pick to women as his George and Carolyn, and he did. "I wanted to send a very positive message," he explains when introducing the two he chose, former CEO of a bank, Wendy Lucas Bull, and his current media adviser, Gugu Msibi.

Sexwale, Bull, and Msibi agree that their equivalent of "You're fired" should be "uniquely South African" but they will have to let it come organically.

30,000 people applied for the show, and producers narrowed the list to 60 before making their final selection of 16 candidates.

The show's publicity manager, Michael van Dyk said in casting the program they were seeking "people that the audience will identify and engage with." He also cited a background in business as important, which does seem fair enough. The winner of the program will get a job at Sexwale's Mvelaphanda group of companies.

The South African version of The Apprentice begins shooting tomorrow, in the Johannesburg City Centre around the financial district says Van Dyk. According to Van Dyk, "The show will test their negotiation skills and ability to lead... Contestants will ... be given tasks that reflect the diversity and uniqueness of South Africa like selling boerewors or getting people into a taxi." Boerewors, apparently, are farmers sausage.

The program begins airing 8:30 PM, Thursday, June 16 in South Africa, and will air weekly.

Apprentice Precap: I Can't Believe It's Not Clutter

Announcer: Next Thursday, it's down to the final five on The Apprentice.

Celestial music plays ...

Pretty sunset and then the now-familiar image of the remaining candidates' images in littles boxes. They really like to think inside the box (sorry). Tana and Craig are on top, Kendra, Alex, and Bren on the bottom.

Trump in his office: Let them in please.

Seated candidates stand, as the picture turns to black and white.

Announcer: As the tasks get tougher ...

Kendra

Alex, holding some sort of shelving unit in place as he, and someone else, work on it.

Close-up of some sort of drill as it whirs away.

Bren, via voice-over: No breaks, no sleep.

Craig holding a red folder

Announcer: The conflicts take their toll.

Alex

Bren, looking tired, puts his hand to his head.

Weird shot through a window of a door ...

A couple of people working on equipment; one throws something small aside ...

Kendra stands surrounded by office supplies, possibly in a store

Kendra, looking exasperated

Tana puts both hands to her head and massages her forehead.

Craig, to Kendra: I'm giving you respect that you don't even deserve, young lady! (Craig is sitting on one side of a desk, Kendra on the other, and he is speaking to her sternly and, as you probably gathered from the "young lady," condescendingly).

Announcer: It's down to the final episodes, the final showdowns ...

Kendra: You have told me, "No."

Craig: You're a liar.

Announcer: And the final boardrooms.

Boardroom doors, one closing.

Trump, pointing: You're fired.

Announcer: Things are getting good on The Apprentice. All-new next Thursday.

Martha Stewart Denied Resentencing

U.S. District Court Judge Miriam Cedarbaum has denied Martha Stewart's request for a resentencing or a modification of her home confinement.

Cederbaum handed down a two-page decision in which she wrote, "The sentence I imposed was the minimum under the sentencing guidelines. I considered it appropriate ... I see no reason to modify the sentence."

Stewart and Mark Burnett had claimed that her home detention interfered with The Apprentice: Martha Stewart and her upcoming homemaking program, in part due to the limitations on the hours she can spend outside her home. Burnett also argued that her electronic monitoring anklet unduly limited her wardrobe options for the programs.

The judge pointed out that Stewart and Burnett knew she would have to comply with the terms of her home confinement when they made their plans for the programs. Cederbaum wrote, "Neither she nor they had any rights to expect that those business arrangement[sic] would persuade me that the conditions of home confinement or the term of supervised release should be changed."

Cederbaum also claimed the sentence was needed "to reflect the seriousness of the offense, to promote respect for the law and to provide just punishment."

Stewart's home confinement is scheduled to end in early August.

Chris Shelton Reportedly Angered by $20 Cover Charge

Additional details about the circumstances surrounding Apprentice candidate Chris Shelton's arrest are surfacing, complete with a semi-informed opinion from fired candidate and jerk (formerly undercover-jerk) John Gafford.

Apparently, Gafford might have been very loosely connected to the brouhaha. Flyers were recently distributed at the University of South Florida advertising the chance to attend a birthday party for Gafford. If there's anything a former Apprentice candidate knows how to do, it's hand out flyers.

Gafford says he was not at the hotel at the time of the incident but he has talked to Shelton about it. He says Shelton told him he refused to pay a $20 cover charge to enter the bar because he had already spent $2,000 on a hotel room. "It's so ludicrous. The hotel handled the situation very poorly from top to bottom," claims Gafford. He adds, "Sometimes he wears his emotions on his sleeve. We're all portrayed on the show as certain characters, and unfortunately this will play into his."

According to Seminole police spokesman Gary Bitner, Shelton was staying with some friends at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino, and they were celebrating his success on The Apprentice early Sunday morning. Bitner also says that Shelton became angry about that $20 cover charge for the hotel bar. Well, hefty cover charges are pretty ridiculous. Still, while millionaires don't stay millionaires by wasting money, what's with the $2,000 hotel room? Of course, displeasure with a cover charge doesn't excuse disorderly conduct, not to assume that Shelton is guilty of the charge. According to the police report anyway:

"There were several patrons in the area who were visibly shaken by his actions. After several attempts to calm Shelton, he continued to yell and curse, refusing to calm down and stop causing a scene."

Shelton was released after posting $250 bail.

NBC spokesperson Jim Dowd said, "We don't really have any comment," and went on to comment that "this is clearly a private matter with Chris."

Unshocking Arrest Made

Chris Shelton, who has made it at least as far as the final six on the The Apprentice 3, made it to the Tampa jail early Sunday morning after being arrested at the Hard Rock Casino. Shelton, 22, allegedly "became loud and belligerent after becoming upset about something he thought was going to be free, but was not." While this doesn't sound like the TV Chris we've grown to feel we know, editing could somehow have covered up a dark side. You just never know. If Shelton needs help formulating a defense, perhaps he need look no farther than Trump for advice on spin control. On The Apprentice, Trump described Shelton's aggression as "energy." Just tell the judge you were being energetic, Chris. And you definitely didn't puff your chest out.

Shelton was charged with disorderly conduct and is out of jail on bond.

Domino's Pizza Gets Payback from Apprentice

Domino's Pizza paid an enormous sum of money for product placement in the "Pandora's Box" episode of The Apprentice last week, only to be upstaged by Papa John's. In the episode, Trump declared that he liked meatballs on his pizza, and coincidentally, both teams decided to make meatball pizzas. Near the end of the episode, Trump announced to Magna that Domino's had decided to sell their winning meatball pie to the masses. Only it turns out cheeseburger pie is a lot cheaper, which is my guess as to why Domino's was pushing that concoction in its two commercials that night. The commercials featured Trump, but were not particularly clever or original. And then there was the Papa John's ad, which aired in 64 local American markets. That ad was clever and attention-getting.

The placement was ideal -- after the task, and before the boardroom. Papa John's founder and chairman John Schnatter is in a boardroom, and asks, "Why eat a pizza made by an apprentice when you can have a spicy meatball pizza from the pros at Papa John's?" Which brings us to the second point: Papa John's is selling a meatball pizza. Domino's had paid millions of dollars to advertise meatball pizza, which they didn't even sell. Domino's, idiots. Papa John's, very, clever.

Although Domino's claims they were flattered by Papa John's ad, it seems like they requested payback for it. Their ad this week might have run at a reduced rate (if they had to pay for it at all), but the real payback came in the form of a voiceover lecture delivered by Trump to the gathered candidates:

"And speaking of last week's task, here's something you didn't know. Both teams created meatball pizza. But if you'd done your market research like Domino's did, you would have discovered that customers don't want meatball pizza. What they want is cheeseburger pizza. The lesson: Always pay attention to your customer."

Gee, Mr. Trump, customers don't want meatball pizza? But you said you like meatball pizza. You must have some freaky, deviant culinary tastes!

So what are viewers to do with these conflicting messages? Customers don't want meatball pizza, but Trump does. Do you want to be like yourself or be like Trump? I've got it easy; I'm a vegetarian. Sorting through the very subtle product placement messages must be hell on the rest of you. Good luck.

Apprentice Precap: A Lonely Drive

Announcer: Buckle up for an Apprentice like no other.

Alex talks on remote phone.

Kendra talks to Craig. His body language doesn't look promising ... sort of frozen. Shut-down? Not listening? She is gesturing ... trying to explain something maybe, or maybe telling him to get off her case ... or bawling him out.

Chris is spiffying up an already-shiny car with a cloth.

Chris, Alex, and Bren sit together in a new convertible.

Chris sits in the back seat of a car, in between Bren and Alex. They're all laughing.

Chris rubs his hands together, and says, in an intentionally goofy voice: Excellent, excellent!

Bren and Alex laugh. Oh, that Chris!

Announcer: It's not just about the task.

On screen: It's not about the task

Kendra looks frustrated, and puts her head in her hand.

Craig, with undone tie: If we don't have a theme, we're not there. (not sure about the last few words)

Kendra, in confessional, in the park: Shut up!

Announcer: It's not just about the reward.

On screen: It's not about the reward.

Trump shoots, and makes, a basket. A couple of tall men cheer. One goes to give him a high five as Trump extends his hands down low. That's it, Trumpy, make the tall guy duck down for you. Hrmm, I wonder how many baskets Trump shot before they could get that footage of him making one.

Announcer: It's not just about who gets fired.

On screen: It's not about who gets fired.

George: This should have been a slam dunk. (Groan, George. Groan. Don't make them bring back Ashley Cooper. No, wait. Please do. Only he should have been there this week instead of Michelle Scarborough. Once you find a perfectly great FauxGeorge, you don't keep looking for a new one! What kind of sense does that make?).

Carolyn looks at Trump. Trump leans forward, looking confused. No, smug. No, confused and ... tired? I'm goin' confused, arrogant, and trying-to-be-thoughtful. That's my final pre-show answer.

The boardroom doors, one closing.

Announcer: It's what happens after.

Female voiceover: Oh, God.

Announcer: It's down to the final 6 on the Apprentice.

Adorable Bradyesque graphics again, featuring pictures of each of the final 6 in little boxes. Tana, Chris, and Craig are in the top row. Kendra, Alex, and Bren are beneath them.

Announcer: All-new NBC next Thursday.

The Apprentice Cruise

As if the prospect of a cruise wasn't horrifying enough to anyone who's read A Supposedly Fun Thing I'll Never Do Again, Trump World Magazine and Expedia think we might like to pay to be trapped at sea with Michael Tarshi, Jenn C., and Maria.

They say at sea no one can hear you scream.

The Apprentice Legend Cruise departs September 26th 2005 from New York City and returns October 4th. What can you expect for your minimum $1249 investment?

Day One you'll "mingle with fellow fans and see The Chairman himself, Donald Trump at the Apprentice Legend Sail-Away Event." Apparently, Trump really wants to be called The Chairman now, as that nickname is plastered all over Expedia's website for this event. "The Donald" -- not as much. Please note that while you will have the opportunity to mingle with other people who paid for the cruise, you will merely have the opportunity to cast your eyes upon The Chairman. Not Frank Sinatra; he was the Chairman of the Board. Also, he's dead.

Days two and three will be spent at sea. Don't worry, there are a ton of activities. If they see you not engaging in activities they poke you with a sharp stick. More on that in a minute. The activities, not the stick.

Day four, you arrive at Puerto Rico for snorkeling, scuba diving, and "beach bumming." Day five, and you've already moved on to St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands. It's apparently "a duty-free paradise." There are also museums, gardens, a marine park, and a tramway. But screw all that, there's the Expedia/Trump World magazine Golf Tournament. You know that's where The Chairman will be. Maybe you can see him again. Just don't try any mingling.

Day six and you're at Tortola, British Virgin Islands. You can hike through a rainforest, lie on the beach, snorkel, explore botanical gardens, go to the pub, and wonder why you're only spending one freaking day there.

Then you have two more days at sea, and a Fan Appreciation Masquerade Ball to bring your vacation to a close. "Bring your most intriguing mask or costume ... This is your last chance to enjoy the good life that success brings!"

So the rest of your life will suck, sorry about that. But before the fun comes to a screeching halt, you'll have enjoyed activities such as:

* Cast Member Appearances - "up to 10 cast members will sail with you to the Caribbean and participate in a variety of events, including Behind-the-Scenes Q&A, Career Development Roundtable, *Special Dinner Seating, and the Apprentice Legend Cruise Competition."

To date, Brian, Maria, Rob F., Michael T., Nick, Bradford, Jenn C., Raj, and Stacie J. have signed on. That's nine, so it looks like "up to one more" might participate. The website urges us to "Check back soon for more Cast Member announcements." That's plural ... maybe they will add one or two people and take away Jenn C.!! (extra exclamation point added in honour of her love of them).

* Apprentice Tribute Gala Evening - "Enjoy a formal night including a complimentary cocktail reception with open bar and hors d'oeuvres, and take home an Apprentice Legend Cruise souvenir menu." (emphasis added; everyone likes souvenirs)

* Apprentice Legend Cruise University -- "Trump World magazine will present special guest speakers in a series of career development sessions throughout the cruise, focusing on various business and career-advancing topics."

* Texas Hold 'Em Poker Tournament (for after the learning thing gets boring)

* Apprentice Legend Competition -- "Test your skills in 'Apprentice-like' tasks. Don't miss the chance to compete in the Apprentice Legend Cruise Competition, judged by the cast members themselves. Grand prizes are big!" (Jenn C., Brian, Maria, and Michael judging Apprentice-like tasks? No! Nick? Sure! Cool! But let's not turn this cruise into a floating farce)

* Apprentice Legend Cruise Caribbean Deck Party
* Art Appreciation and Auction
* Disco Pajama Party
* Comedy Showcase
* Talent Show
* Karaoke Competition

Disco Pajama Party and Karaoke Competition? Why not Disco Pajama Karaoke Contest? Doesn't Trump say to Think Big? Maybe the Expedia and Trump Magazine folks are only allowed to look at him, not to mingle or listen.

The Apprentice: Martha Stewart Might Feature Pants-Clad Martha Stewart

Federal prosecutors on Monday opposed Martha Stewart's motion to have her electronic monitor anklet removed. The anklet is a condition of her five-month home detention sentence, of which she has serviced one month, after completing her five-month prison sentence for obstruction of justice and lying to investigators about a stock sale. She is permitted to leave her home for 48 hours of work every week. Stewart is currently appealing the sentence.

Stewart told U.S. District Judge Miriam Goldman Cedarbaum that the house arrest should be thrown out because her company needs her more than 48 hours a week.

Mark Burnett, who is producing Stewart's forthcoming homemaking program, as well as The Apprentice: Martha Stewart, also argued against house arrest as too confining. He argued that she should be allowed to tape gardening segments outdoors.

Burnett also claimed the electronic anklet would interfere with the forthcoming programs because it would "eliminate any opportunity for Martha to wear skirts or dresses, which is part of her lifestyle and therefore a large part of the show."

In a six-page letter to the judge, Assistant U.S. Attorney Michael Schachter vigorously objected to Burnett's reasoning, arguing that "Minor inconvenience to one's ability to star in a television show is an insufficient ground for resentencing."

Schachter further urged the judge to consider the message resentencing would send to the public: "that the wealthy and famous are treated differently than regular citizens."

He might have a point. Burnett also pushed it a little too far claiming skirts and dresses are a "large part of the show." (Which show? Will they only be a large part of one of the upcoming programs?)

If Judge Cederbaum lightens Stewart's sentencing, it will be more likely inspired by the Supreme Court's recent ruling that federal sentencing guidelines are advisory rather than mandatory, than by anything Mark Burnett told her.

Still, Stewart will quite possibly garden, entertain, cook, and fire people while wearing pants for a while. If so, hopefully neither she nor viewers will find it too terribly distracting or confusing. Stewart could probably handle it; she wore pants quite frequently on her old show. Even though Burnett apparently envisioned pretty dresses and skirts as a large part of the shows, I have faith in his ability to create strong, enjoyable programs, even if they must be centered around a woman wearing pants.

The Apprentice Box Clinic at Home Depot

Objective: Attend The Apprentice Box Clinic (the official title is You Can Build A Storage Chest, but I prefer The Apprentice Box Clinic)

When: April 2, 2005, 4:00 PM

Where: Home Depot

Obstacle: I asked an employee about the location of the clinic, after seeing no sign of it other than a small advertisement outside the store. He told me it was at 2:00 PM tomorrow, that all their clinics are on Sundays.

Outcome: Fortunately, I remained at Home Depot on a task long enough to hear a loudspeaker announcement a few minutes later: the clinic would be held in front of the store at 4:00 PM, as scheduled.

I headed outside, and chatted with Meghan, who was there with her two children. Like Craig's teammates, she initially doubted the greatness of the box. "When he first came up with that idea," Meghan said, "my husband I were like, 'that is the lamest idea,' and it worked." Meghan decided to come to the clinic because they're moving and in search of ideas for a playroom. Will they make a box? "Maybe."

As "Emma," a Home Depot employee walked by, I noticed her apron read "I work in all departments." Either that is one versatile apron or one versatile employee. Either way, very impressive. If it's Emma who's that multifaceted, how positively Apprenticesque of her.

Another female employee wandered by. For no apparent reason, she called out to a male employee, "Jason," "I'll break your leg in half." Now, that, Alex, is a threat. Probably still a joking one at that, but a lot closer to a threat than what Alex got from Chris.

Jason ignored her and insisted to no one in particular that he was leaving at 4:30. Then he made a cellphone call to someone, possibly named "dude."

Meanwhile a veritable smattering of eager Apprentice viewers waited. I fretted to a friendly-looking couple, "I'm losing faith in my ability to build a storage chest." The man responded, "You and me both."

Emma meandered by again and in a thoroughly friendly and eager manner, I informed her, "We're hungry to learn." Hey, maybe she didn't know. She smiled and said she knew. Just then, as if brought forth by the overwhelming force of our enthusiasm ... or possibly by coincidence ... the supply trolley approacheth. And it brought our clinic leader! I hesitate to describe him because he's almost a whistleblower, except for the part where he's an innocent who had no idea I would be publishing the less-than-flattering things he said about his employer. He's a man, and I'll call him "Leo" although it is not his name. Picture him however you like.

Emma surveyed Leo's trolley of lumber with dismay. "Oh," she said. "I thought everybody was gonna get their own kit."

A woman who had brought a small boy to the clinic asked Leo whether you can buy everything altogether that you need for the box. He said you have to go buy the supplies and build it. She then left, as did a couple of other people. Why would Home Depot sponsor a task that requires the creation of a "DO-IT-YOURSELF-KIT" (The Apprentice's capitalization) along with a clinic if they had no intention of selling the kits? Weren't they setting up consumers to be disappointed in Home Depot? A box kit could have been problematic. They would be quite large and it would be an expensive, space-consuming proposition if it was a washout. Maybe the profit margin didn't justify the floorspace usage even if it was a hit. Or maybe at the end of the day, Home Depot didn't believe in the box any more than Craig's teammates. They would give it a try with the clinics, but they weren't about to put a really serious investment into it. They didn't have that much faith in it.

Leo set up a table. Attendance varied throughout the clinic, but the peak was probably near the beginning, when I counted 10 adults and 5 children. He then distributed a stapled set of handouts and sent his assistant to make more copies. The cover sheet read "You Can Build A Storage Chest VERSION 2 Clinic Leader Guide." Score! The Clinic Leader's Guide; it was like having the teacher's version! Indeed, this wasn't meant for our eyes. It was probably more interesting than the version intended for us, though, so I didn't mind.


Now I can play Home Depot Clinic Leader At Home



This page instructs the clinic leader to "Make copies of the handout and plans found at the end of the clinic leader guide to be distributed to participants." However, we didn't get that handout or that version of the plans.


Our clinic leader used pine, but recommended birch. Or as he put it, "I used crappy wood. I should have used something better." He added, "If it's thicker you could probably sit on it." However, if you're going to use chalkboard paint, he said, "there's no point in using a more expensive wood."

To put together the box, Leo advised the glue-first-nail-second method. Helpful tip: "Glue fills in spaces if you're off a little bit." He told us the hardest part is cutting out the pieces. "So the store doesn't have the cut-out pieces?" asked a woman. No, but they will cut them for you. This would have sounded like a better deal if Leo hadn't kept pointing out that his pieces were the wrong size. "That saw doesn't cut very well," he complained. Fair enough, only why use it? Disappointed by how far off the box top piece was cut, Leo commented, "That almost says don't bother coming to the store to have it cut 'cause it's gonna end up like this."

A man -- the same one I talked to before the clinic -- asked about chalkboard paint. He was advised to use primer first. This was quite a moment for the box, really. Leo was trying, but the clinic was not going according to plan. His box was uneven; he would need a lot of glue to fill in all the spaces. If Home Depot couldn't help their own employee build a good box, how could they help us build one? Yet this man was still determined to have his box. Maybe it's hard to destroy enthusiasm for a great idea.

As Leo worked, a more sinister version of George watched him. At first he stood among the "clinic participants." Then, oddly, he watched the clinic from behind the table, his arms stiffly folded. At one point, Leo turned the box on its side to work on it. This blocked my view of EvilGeorge and amused me. When he lowered the box a few minutes later, EvilGeorge was no longer there. Magic!

Someone asked about the Elmer's wood carpenter glue Leo was using and he deemed it "the cheapest" and "the best."

Someone else wondered about the box's new top. Our clinic leader said, "They had a hinged top; they changed it to a lift-off top, for, I guess, safety concerns ... mashed fingers. Lawyers gotta eat too." Leo liked the old top better, but said as soon as anything touches it, it will snap down quickly. He gave instructions on how to change the plans we were given to use a hinged top. The man I spoke to was interested in a hinged top for his child's toychest. Great. He asked a flurry of questions toward the end of the clinic, then left with his female companion. I asked whether they were really going to make a box and she said, "Hopefully!" with a tone that seemed to marry optimism and fear.


This list details the changes Home Depot made to Magna's box design


Leo was a really likeable guy, but he didn't have enough time to prepare for this clinic, and it showed sometimes. Some of the things he said didn't inspire a lot of confidence, coming from a clinic leader. I've mentioned some, and there were others. Things like:

"You can tell it's a little off if you feel the bottom but other than that ..."
"You see how prepared I am." (said a mite sarcastically)
"Oh ... d'oh." (while trying to figure out where the moulding should go, and noticing that something wasn't right)
"Did I put it together right?"

Some of went wrong was probably his fault, like giving us the wrong copies. Trump would also not be fond of his lack of company loyalty for speaking so openly about Home Depot's shortcomings. However, sometimes being willing to talk about such things is the only way to make problems known and affect change.

By the end of the clinic, the only other "clinic participants were a couple and their small son (who mostly kept his back turned -- perhaps he prefers other shapes to boxes). The man asked more questions about chalkboard paint.

After the clinic, I hung out with Leo and his very quiet assistant as they continued working on the box. "Once I start working on something, I have to finish it," Leo explained. At this point, it was a box, but the moulding wasn't attached, nor was the lid. He would get to keep the box. I helped him measure his wood, which is not a euphemism, and he told me how he feels about nailing stuff, which is also not a euphemism.

During the clinic, Leo had talked about watching the Pandora's Box episode of The Apprentice with his girlfriend. He was surprised to see Home Depot featured in the episode. Home Depot didn't give him a head's up about the episode, far from it. Although the episode aired on March 24, Leo was told he was teaching the clinic on April 1, the day before the clinic. I didn't ask whether he thought it was an April Fool's joke. "That's not a lot of notice," I said. "Typical Home Depot," he replied. Although the clinic leader guide calls for a box to be made ahead of time for display purposes, Leo made the box for the first time during the clinic. That sounds like a recipe for disaster. It's impressive and lucky that he did as well as he did.

Home Depot seemed so unprepared for the clinic. Leo said the "version 2" modifications to the box design were made very recently. The episode was filmed in October, so it seems a bit late to notice safety problems with the Magna design. An employee told me that the box clinic was the next afternoon. I only saw one small advertisement for the clinic, and otherwise would have had no idea anthing Apprentice/Box/Storage Chest-related was to take place. If Home Depot isn't very interested in their own clinic, why should anyone else care? The clinic leader guide instructs them to "Always 'sell the project'" but the store didn't even try to sell the clinic to their customers. And it's harder for the clinic leader to "sell the project" when they have so little time to prepare. He pretty much had to focus on trying to build the box correctly.

The Apprentice 3 candidates, working on an artificially short timeframe, were also told one day ahead of time to prepare for a clinic (and they had to decide what to make). They did, at least, have a much larger budget ($3,500). They also got to wow the crowd with fancy paints and such. People attending the clinic after watching the episode were bound to expect a similar experience, and be disappointed. Our clinic leader didn't follow the clinic guidelines as to things like getting us involved with the making of the box. He likely didn't need the distraction when he was insufficiently familiar with how to make the box. The guidelines didn't call for anywhere near as interactive a clinic as Magna's, anyway. At the end of the day, it was more like Net Worth's clinic than Magna's.

This isn't entirely a bad thing. It was a bit bumpy, but it was well-intentioned, enjoyable, and interesting. It could be much more. These clinics are a great opportunity to make money in the short term while earning customer loyalty. Home Depot could learn a lot from Magna about how to run a successful how-to clinic.

Apprentice Precap: Seams Stress

Announcer/on screen: Every week, The Apprentice goes down to the wire. (Next week's episode appears to be rated "PG." Or at least the promo is rated PG. Good to know!)

Female Voiceover: We're running out of time.

Male voiceover: Let's just go, let's just go.

Black and white image of Trump in the boardroom with a moving clock superimposed over him.

Announcer: And, next Thursday, chaos.

Angie, pointing and wild-eyed: You're on, you're on, you're on, you're on! (based on subsequent clues, Angie is likely talking to a model)

Chris: I had no clue what was going on.

A quick succession of images:

Alex getting out of a cab.

Tana getting out of a cab.

Angie, on the phone, puts her hand to her head.

Chris in the rain, holding a black umbrella.

Alex stands in a room with hangers on a wall. A large photo with a model hangs on the wall behind him. (If it wasn't behind him, perhaps he would notice it and attempt his smoothest line, "Where you are from?" Fun Trivia: During the filming of The Apprentice 3, Alex had a girlfriend)

A close-up of a clock.

A flash of light (this effect is used several times during this promo. It's annoyingriffic)

Angie, hunched over, takes a loud and deep breath, as if to avoid hyperventilating. (Angie is in a room with a headless mannequin -- the mannequin is wearing clothes. Weird to not have a head but still care about your wardrobe. Also in the room: an easel with a pad of paper. There are lots of pieces of fabric pinned to the wire framey thingamabob in front of the walls)

Tana is on the phone (Tana is in a room with 3 headless mannequins wearing clothes. There is a large photo/poster of a model on the wall, and a little pink Magna sign. The desk is cluttered with more paperwork than seems strictly necessarily. Now let's not go making anything of my seeing Angie in a room with 1 mannequin and Tana with 3. Camera angles, people! Editing! There could be dozens more mannequins in the Net Worth room! No way to tell from the promo).

Quick image of Angie, in the same room as before. She's now standing by a rack with several hangers with items of clothing on them. Each has a piece of paper with info on it.

Trump is standing in front of a couple of mannequins (headless, as is their way). He is slowly (though that could be editing fun) turning to look at someone, possibly a blond.

Bren and Craig are riding in the back of a car. They're dressed casually ... Bren is wearing a baseball cap. Craig is wearing a shirt that says something Eagle (American Eagle?) and has the number 7, and another shirt over that.

Flash of Light

Cab gridlock hell

Angie walking away from a building. Behind her are Bren (smartly attired, complete with a bow-tie), Alex, and I think Chris.

Flash of Light

Announcer: For the first time on The Apprentice

Male voiceover: We have to go right now.

Announcer/on screen: See what happens ...

Female voiceover (Angie?): I almost had a heart attack.

Clock on a building. Closer and closer toward that clock. The hands move quickly and the clouds can be seen zooming by in the mirrored surface of the building. Neato!

Announcer: to the teams ...

Close-up of a woman working with a sewing machine, close-up of a woman cutting fabric, close-up of something beeing done to green fabric, close-up of leather (?) being cut with scissors, close-up of -- alright already, we get the idea!

Flash of Light

Announcer: When time runs out.

Close-up of traffic, close-up of street with somewhat less traffic and the camera moves down the street, close-up of a cab and we're moving in the opposite direction, and higher, and higher, and hey we're floating away!! Watch Apprentice previews carefully enough with your TiVo, and you might start to think you're floating in space.

Image of an office, a cubicle hell, you know the story. The camera moves along ... suddenly, it's Alex! The back of his head, and his shoulders ... he looks around the office, his head moving back and forth, as the camera swirls around him, and the image changes to:

A numberless clock. It changes to black and white, and then does the X-ray effect thing and flashes.

Angie, in the back of a cab, holding a sheaf of papers over her mouth: We're going to miss ... our presentation.

Announcer: All new Apprentice, NBC next Thursday.

What does this precap tell us, apart from the obvious?

1) The NBC promo people has a hefty budget!

2) Watching this week's episode, I was reminded that the promo people enjoy crafting misleading promos (That part is possibly obvious). Who knew they also enjoy paying loving tribute to, say, Koyaanisqatsi? Awesome, and incredibly subversive. I applaud their choice of Alex, who was President of the Federalist Society at his law school as the unwitting star of the homage. I can only hope it doesn't make him feel threatened.